Yesterday on the spur of the moment, I jumped in my car, opened all the windows, turned my music up loud and drove myself to Rocky Mountain National Park. I drove my car down the dusty dirt road that leads to the trailhead for Fern Lake and when I got there I kept my sandals on, but grabbed my water and my camera and walked until I found the kind of spot I was seeking. The kind of spot I would only know once I saw it.
I walked into the water of the creek and let my toes numb and the coolness of it all was like a reset button being pressed on my forehead. I stood with my shoulders in the sun, my feet in the water and I succumbed. I let myself be enveloped by the rapture of the woods, the embrace of the mountains. I was home.
I sat on a fallen tree, closed my eyes and crossed my legs and meditated. I asked my spiritual source for guidance. I asked for a sign that I was on the right path, I asked for an embrace, I asked to be loved.
Before I left for home, my soul centered and clear, I stood and did my best to imprint the moment on my memory so I would be able to take it out and visit it again in the inevitable moments of craving comfort. I closed my eyes to take in the creek’s chatter and whispering laps upon the shore. I opened my arms wide in the mountain air and then wrapped myself up in my own arms, startled to remember how strong and solid my imperfect body is and I looked directly into the sun, my eyes burning with it’s brilliance.
And then I saw the tree. The tree was growing out of the side of the bank and despite it’s sideways stature, it was vivid, powerful, it’s very size proudly touting it’s uniqueness to the forest.
My sister, the tree, she had no shame, made no excuses for who she was, she had no fear despite holding her body just above the rushing water and she stood, like the loveliest of Goddess’s despite being sideways in an upright world.
Sometimes, I too, feel as though I am a sideways soul in an upright world, sometimes I too feel like I have strayed from the norm and that my emotional silhouette is misunderstood or found lacking in societal expectation. Sometimes I wonder how long I can hold on to my sideways spirit, how long before I let go, the weight of being unlike other heavy and burdensome.
I saw then that those were the wrong questions to ask. The question is how long will it be before I recognize my own sideways self and celebrate the very things that others might not understand. How long before my sideways vision is shared with like-minded souls so that they know they are not alone? How long before what I have perceived as a burden is understood for the gift it is.
How long before I understand that I too, like every human being on the planet, like you, am the loveliest of Goddesses even if I am sideways?
I think now is a very good time.